Tag:

bipolar

How Mental Illness Became a Light Instead of Darkness

Although yesterday marked the end of this year’s Mental Health Month, the discussion and efforts to raise awareness in order to break the stigma must remain a daily conversation. So, I’m keeping the momentum going by featuring Brandon Ha, an amazing friend who also happens to be a kick ass mental health advocate and the creative director behind Break Yo Stigma, a social media campaign focused on breaking the shameful stigma of mental illness. I first came across Brandon’s @breakyostigma Instagram page over a year ago when I was brainstorming ways to positively use social media for sharing my views on psychiatry. The posts on @breakyostigma were bold, articulate, and uncensored when it came to the fallacies of our mental health system, and served as my inspiration to be more vocal about my own views via social media. Therefore, I’m proud and excited to feature Brandon as a guest blogger as he discusses how his bipolar diagnosis ignited a drive to change the public’s views towards mental illness.

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We all knew that one person in high school who you thought was going to be successful. You know, become a doctor or lawyer (or these days, some tech founder) and have it all. A house on the hill, the love and support of family and friends, and wealth to be able to do anything he/she wanted.

Goals to that person were no obstacle and dreams were just a mere foreshadowing of the inevitable. And we all knew that person who had this unlimited potential to achieve whatever they wanted in life, but failed. I knew the latter person from high school pretty closely — it was me.

Mental illness robbed me of the person I could’ve become. My symptoms began as a third year in college as I had aspirations to become a pediatrician, though there were plenty of signs it started much sooner. My focus began slipping and I started to fail my classes. And though I had plenty of friends in college, including my high school sweetheart, I couldn’t turn to them for support. Passing by the counseling center every single day on the way home, I couldn’t open the door and walk in. Got a problem? Hell no, not me.

But there definitely was a problem, and failing out of college was just the beginning.

That summer, like most college dropouts, I needed to do some major soul searching. I decided to take a trip to Vietnam and visit the country and my family whom I’d never met. Nothing like taking a trip to the motherland and discovering your roots to get you back on track, right? I’d find myself and head toward the path to success again in no time. But as my extended stay in Southeast Asia went on, my moods began shifting dramatically.

Sleeping less and less, sometimes no more than two hours a night; partly due to the suffocating humidity and partly due to my mind constantly racing. Getting enough sleep was an afterthought though because I felt, ironically, even more energy the less sleep I got. I wanted to do everything, and at the time, I thought I could. Start a nonprofit organization, found a tech startup, go to medical school – it was all in the realm of possibility in my world. I didn’t find the fountain of youth in Vietnam. Instead, I found the fountain of energy. My family, who’d just met me for the very first time, thought I was crazy. They weren’t wrong.

After seven weeks and with my grandiosity at its absolute peak, I returned back to the states a different person. I had lost 18 pounds from not sleeping enough for weeks on end. The dark circles around my eyes made me look like an extra from 28 Days Later (Walking Dead wasn’t around for another decade), and my flight of ideas continued non-stop. I was hospitalized in a psychiatric hospital shortly after my return. Diagnosis: bipolar disorder, type 1.

I was officially crazy.

It has been 14 years since my diagnosis. I could write forever about what I’ve gone through and seen during my years of hospitalizations and suicide attempts; the countless times I turned to drugs and alcohol to numb the pain I foolishly thought no one would understand. I wish I could tell you I was that successful person everyone thought would have made it. But alas, there’s no house on the hill or fancy graduate degree hanging in my office.

Today, however, I define my own success. I started working with NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) in 2010 as I started my road to recovery. As I became more comfortable in my own skin and with my diagnosis, I began speaking to high school and college students about my story and advocating mental health and how to look for signs and take care of oneself. In 2012, I started Break Yo Stigma, a youth mental health campaign aimed towards fighting stigma and discrimination. And, as of February, I celebrated six years of sobriety. I may not have that diploma hanging on the wall (yet), but that sobriety chip feels pretty damn good, too.

As someone living with bipolar disorder, I know I’ll have more extreme mood swings than the average person. But even though my diagnosis is forever and there’s no cure, treatment is very possible. I live a damn good life. I know now that I’m not crazy — I never was. And neither are the millions of people around the world that live with mental illness. We’re not crazy, just misunderstood. It’s time to change that.

Break yo stigma.

Bio: Brandon Ha is the Creative Director at Break Yo Stigma, a social media campaign focused on breaking the shameful stigma of mental illness. Inspired to create change in the mental health community from his own personal experience living with bipolar disorder, he seeks to end the shame preventing many people all over the world from seeking proper mental health care. Brandon currently collaborates with Bay Area mental health organizations including NAMI Santa Clara County and Stanford Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences.

For more info, check out Break Yo Stigma on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter.

June 2, 2016 5 comments

Series

Questions I Bet Your Psychiatrist Never Asked You

written by freudandfashion

Why I created this series:

Every psychiatrist has their own style, but I’ve always been interested in asking patients more open-ended questions if I think it will provide me with a greater understanding of who they are as unique individuals. Unfortunately, I believe that the art of psychiatry has dwindled down to a checklist which subsequently churns out a diagnosis and treatment plan based on the minimum criteria needed to properly meet billing requirements. Such a practice may lead to a lack of connection in the therapeutic relationship, therefore, I sought to create a series that explores the unspoken thoughts that a person may have when meeting with a psychiatrist. If you would like to contribute to future questions in this series, please email me at freudandfashion@gmail.com or add me on Snapchat (freudandfashion).

QUESTION OF THE WEEK:

How do you think medical doctors treat patients with mental illness differently than those without mental illness?

RESPONSES:

I didn’t really notice much of a difference in the way medical doctors treated me with a mental illness, until I had to get surgery on my wrist. My surgeon went on extensively that I was at a higher risk for abusing the pain medication post surgery. I had to go to lengths to prove to him that I would be able to minimize this risk, and wean myself off the pain medication as soon as possible. After this experience, I wondered if a patient without mental illness would have gone through as much scrutiny.

~ Logan, pre-med student

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Doctors treat patients with mental illness differently than those without a mental illness. From experience, doctors treat people with mental illness like they are stupid, incompetent, and incapable of doing anything for themselves. They get treated with less respect as well.

~ Allyson, student

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It depends on how much the doctors actually know about mental illnesses. The majority, unfortunately somehow equate people with mental illnesses as mentally challenged individuals. Most doctors know, before they even meet you, that you have a mental illness due to the fact that the doctors generally see what kind of medications you are currently on prior to walking into the examination room.

I literally have had some very rude doctors that would be new to me and upon opening the door, they don’t say hello…my name is…or anything. They will have their nose in the charts or x-rays and then don’t look you in the eye and tell you what they recommend and then just walk out. It really pisses me off when they act so arrogantly. I generally never do return back to see a doctor who treats me like that. Then there are those that seem a bit nervous about meeting me; however, once I start talking like the college-educated woman that I am, they seem impressed and/or astonished that a person with a mental illness could have such insight.

So it angers me and depresses me that most doctors will tag a “stupid idiot” label on someone who is taking psychotrophic medications or acts as though nothing I say is true for I might be having delusions…yet, with each new doctor I encounter, I hope to go away feeling satisfied that I for one don’t meet the stereotype that our society has created for people with mental illnesses.

~ Anonymous

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My family medicine doc never follows up on anything, ever. I have to remind them of everything so if I don’t bring it up, it never gets addressed. And when I try to bring it up, they look at me like I’m crazy. I guess it’s a good thing that I’m smart, knowledgeable and know a lot, but I can’t imagine what it must be like for people who don’t know anything. I just finished reading Black Men, White Coats and that book is really honest. I see it happen all of the time. I think patients are disregarded in all aspects and I think with African Americans, they treat us differently when it comes to mental health. But i don’t want to pull the race card, this is my perception of what i see.

~ Sherita, pre-med student

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Personally, sometimes I think some people don’t consider mental health as important as physical health. Maybe that’s why some doctors do not pay attention to this point.

~ Anonymous, student

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If you have any thoughts or experiences pertaining to the question, please comment below!

May 14, 2016 11 comments

Featured Guest Blogger

How An Advocate With Bipolar Disorder Gained Strength From The Online Community

written by freudandfashion

When I first became active on social media, I was pleasantly surprised to find a number of mental health advocates who were so open about sharing their stories of living with mental illness to the public. Rudy Caseres was one of the first advocates I connected with. What impressed me the most about Rudy was his willingness to share his ups and downs of living with bipolar disorder. Attaining stability hasn’t been easy, and I find myself cheering him on because he is the type of person who pushes forward and embraces each triumph. He is the type of person who will motivate you and lead by example (even if the role might have been awkward at first, I find that to be one of his most endearing qualities). Therefore, I’m excited to have Rudy contribute to my blog as he discusses his motivation to share his story and become a speaker for the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI).

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To have a sense of belonging — I used to not know what that felt like for the longest time. I was always the last person to be picked in team sports. I never got the lead role in school plays. I’ve been rejected by more women than I can count. Fun, fun, fun.

So, naturally, I was not too optimistic when I entered the world of mental health advocacy. To begin, I was already apprehensive about discussing my bipolar disorder in public. I had not yet told my dysfunctional family and was dreading having to explain myself to them. But I knew I could not hide the truth any longer. I did not want to feel ashamed.

It just so happened that during this time I began to be consumed by mania. I convinced myself that I was never mentally ill and that I didn’t need anyone’s help to “conquer the world.” Even though I kept telling myself it would never happen, I eventually crashed into a terrible depression. It felt as if the bottom had fallen out inside my brain. I had a real illness.

As debilitating as that experience was, I did not want it to get in the way of telling my story to the world. Well, such a task is easier said than done! My brain had tricked me into believing I was hopeless. Just getting words to appear on my laptop screen felt insurmountable. I was ready to give up on life just days after believing I had complete control over the world. This is bipolar.

I struggled at first to find peers I could be myself with. I felt insignificant amidst all of the established and well connected advocates. At first I tried to fit in like the new kid on the playground. But, like I experienced during middle school, I felt left out. Rather than giving up like I had with so many goals, I began reaching out to people online with similar stories who were also struggling and feeling lost. I was amazed by how many wonderful people were out there speaking up about mental illness in their own little corners of the world. We accepted each other and they encouraged me to also speak up and not settle for pessimistic fatalism. It was as if none of us were lost as long as we had each other’s back. So, speak up I did. Not only do I continue sharing my story online (like this wonderful blog ran by one of my many allies in the mental health world!), but I am also a speaker for the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) where I share my story across the Greater Los Angeles area.* And, someday across the world!

My friends and I don’t always get along and, for sure, mental illness can make one do and say very regrettable things. But we’re all one great big, very interesting family. We have to live with our terrible, terrible illnesses, but we’re still eager to make our mark.

Despite our minor differences, we all want to live in a world that possesses the following: no one is ashamed of their mental illness, no one is discriminated based solely on their mental illness, and the word ‘mental illness’ does not have such a negative connotation. It is possible. I believe this. They do, too.

I never used to consider myself an ‘advocate.’ But, now that I know what ‘advocate’ truly means, I own the title proudly. This world is constantly revolving. People fall off while others are getting on. Some even get back on. I’m still new to this. But, I’m not the only one. I brought my family with me and together, we’re ready. We are the new advocates and we have found our place.

*Opinions expressed in this story are solely my own and may not necessarily reflect those held by NAMI. I’m only speaking for myself.

Bio: Rudy Caseres is a public speaker and writer sharing his story of living with bipolar disorder. He loves engaging with people far and wide, both online and off. You can follow him on Facebook and find the rest of his social media presence at RudyCaseres.com. Mr. Caseres was born in San Pedro, Los Angeles, CA and currently resides there today.

May 7, 2016 4 comments

Series

Questions I Bet Your Psychiatrist Never Asked You

written by freudandfashion

During new patient evaluations, psychiatrists generally have a standard set of questions that are asked to help formulate a diagnosis based on diagnostic criteria and to develop a treatment plan. Every psychiatrist has their own style, but I’ve always been interested in asking patients more open-ended questions if I think it will provide me with a greater understanding of who they are as unique individuals. Unfortunately, I believe that the art of psychiatry has dwindled down to a checklist which subsequently churns out a diagnosis and treatment plan based on the minimum criteria needed to properly meet billing requirements. Such a practice may lead to a lack of connection in the therapeutic relationship, therefore, I sought to create a series that explores the unspoken thoughts that a person may have when meeting with a psychiatrist. If you would like to contribute to future questions in this series, please email me at freudandfashion@gmail.com or add me on Snapchat (freudandfashion).

QUESTION OF THE WEEK:

What do you wish you could tell your doctors when they makes changes to your meds that you don’t agree with?

RESPONSES:

I have definitely been through this experience! I WANT to say that increasing the dose scares me as the side effects I’ve experienced were horrible. I also feel that some (not all) psychiatrists barely ask you any questions about your research on medications. I feel that they don’t want to believe that you are actually capable of being educated on the topic.

Paramedic Nat (Blog: paramedicnatsmentalhealthjourney.wordpress.com, Twitter: @paramedicnat1)

Ever heard the word ‘advocate?’ Did you get your degree for the high status and income, or are you sincere about helping those of us trapped in this system? Why not take a stand against the big pharmacy industry and be true to your patient and what is best for him or her?

Anonymous

Well, to be honest, I don’t think it would be something to say but more to feel. For example, for me, as the side effects were horrible, and as I wasn’t feeling better, she kept upping my dosage. I wish she would have FELT my side effects. I described it as best I can, but I’m not sure all docs felt brain zaps. I wish doctors would listen more to how we feel instead of maybe just push various pills and dosage on us. Those are pills for our brain, it’s nothing to joke about. I’m sure it affects us all differently. But I wished they’d be more open to the fact that for some of us, medications (or SSRIs and such) just aren’t doing any good.

Natalie, Teacher (Twitter: @natricher)

What I absolutely love and appreciate about my psychiatrist is that he lets me choose what I’m comfortable with taking. I don’t know if other patients are like this, but I know my diagnoses and I do research on different meds. I haven’t found anything that’s working greatly yet since I do have a lot of different disorders, but knowing that my doctor validates what I’m comfortable with doing makes me feel that much better.

For example, I really dislike the weight gain side effect that a lot of medications for bipolar disorder have. I suffered major self-esteem issues in middle school because I put on 50 lbs from lithium and depakote combo. He knows how hard I worked to get that weight off and feel better about myself, so we only talk about combinations that will make me feel comfortable taking…so that I actually take my medicine.

Alexandra, Advocate

I wish they would have taken the time to explain (simply) what the medication will be doing to my body/brain and why it’s more efficient than what I was previously taking.

Anonymous

I honestly would tell the doctor my concerns. I wouldn’t be rude, but I would openly say that I have concerns over it. My hopes would be that it could open up a two-way conversation regarding my care and I could find out what they have to say (and have them see where I’m coming from).

Tom V, 1st year Medical Student

I wish I could’ve sat down with her and said clearly: “I’m sorry I called you two times today freaking out, but this medicine you gave me just isn’t working right–it’s making me worse. I’ve never taken any meds before and I’m running scared here and I need someone to understand me and sit with me and talk about my options. I know we didn’t meet under ideal circumstances and you don’t know me or I don’t know you, but don’t treat me like I’m one of the people who bug you all the time. Please help me. That’s all I need is some help.”

But, I now have someone who I think is amazing and he talks to me about options and is more of a collaborative force in my health care. He is in charge of my meds, but he has listened to me and I’m glad to say I haven’t had to take one benzo, not one single one in over 6 months so the fact that a doctor will collaborate makes me very happy, and listens.

Anonymous

Photo by Marlon Santos

March 2, 2016 20 comments

Series

Questions I Bet Your Psychiatrist Never Asked You

written by freudandfashion

During new patient evaluations, psychiatrists generally have a standard set of questions that are asked to help formulate a diagnosis based on diagnostic criteria and to develop a treatment plan. Every psychiatrist has their own style, but I’ve always been interested in asking patients more open-ended questions if I think it will provide me with a greater understanding of who they are as unique individuals. I also assume that my questions might be a bit different than the norm because I’ve grown accustomed to patients making statements such as “You know, nobody’s ever asked me that before.” Oftentimes, I believe that the art of psychiatry has dwindled down to a checklist which subsequently churns out a diagnosis based on the minimum criteria needed to properly meet billing requirements. Such a practice may lead to a lack of connection in the therapeutic relationship, therefore, I sought to create a series that explores the unspoken thoughts that a person may have when meeting with a psychiatrist. If you would like to contribute to future questions in this series, please email me at freudandfashion@gmail.com.

QUESTION OF THE WEEK:

What goes on in your mind when a new psychiatrist asks if you’re suicidal?

RESPONSES:

It’s been some time since I’ve seen a new psychiatrist; thankfully I’ve been (somewhat) stable and happy with the treatment I’ve been receiving with my current one. But I do remember going through what was round-robin of mental health professionals before I found my current doctor. The situation is horrible, as I’m sure most people who have gone through the same process can testify. Although someone may be a professional who’s gone through years of grad school and training about what may be wrong with me, why would I want to share my darkest, deepest pain to someone I just met? It never felt right.

The two psychiatrists whom I connected with most during my care have been the ones that treated me like a person (and even a friend) first. No, I’m not that textbook case study you read in Psychology 407 back in grad school. Nor am I willing to try new psych medications with the script you’ve given me after our 5 minute visit.

There are no 100% effective cures for mental illness, but you can still treat those living with mental illness like human beings. It’s not that hard.

Brandon Ha, Creative Director @BreakYoStigma

facebook.com/breakyostigma

instagram.com/breakyostigma

First thing that springs to mind is: “I can’t tell you I’m suicidal because you’ll hospitalize me and that will just ruin everything I’ve worked so hard for.” (as strange as that sounds…)

However, I always think there’s no point in outright lying to my psychiatrist if I genuinely want to get better. So, usually, I just tell them what I’m thinking, even if it means telling them I’m suicidal. But, I make sure I explain exactly what I’m thinking. Usually my thoughts are more of a passively suicidal nature and I don’t have a concrete plan in mind. My current psychiatrist is well aware of that. I haven’t had suicidal ideation with a plan for quite some time now. The last time was with my first psychiatrist, two years ago. And even then I’d tell her the truth. I only got hospitalized once, when I told her I genuinely couldn’t guarantee that I wasn’t going to do it. I guess the fact that I’m always honest about what goes on in my mind is precisely what has helped me not get hospitalized more than once. I’ve always thought of the patient-psychiatrist relationship as one built on trust. If they can’t trust me then they can’t help me to the best of their capacity and I’d just end up self-sabotaging.

Dana S, medical student (borderlinemed.wordpress.com)

‘I’d never kill myself. Wanting to die to end my misery and actually going through with it are completely different. But that’s probably not the answer you were looking for…’

Rudy Caseres, Voice on Mental Health

Facebook.com/Rudy.Caseres

Twitter: @RudyCaseres

First thought in my head if asked if I was suicidal would be something sarcastic like this: ‘Would I be sitting here if I was [suicidal]?’ and/or ‘Yes and to be honest, you’re just having a visual hallucination of myself right now.’

Anonymous

What goes on in my mind? Terror yet the need to be honest and tell the psychiatrist if I’m feeling that way. From experience (I was hospitalized several times for suicidal ideation) I know I had to be truthful about feeling suicidal because despite the intense compulsion, I didn’t want to do it and leave my two young daughters without their mom. I needed to be kept safe so I didn’t go through with it and I knew I needed hospitalization. I got better, and if the feelings return I will be honest with my current psychiatrist. I realize that he would most likely place me on a 5150 hold, but I accept that.

Dyane Leshin-Harwood, author of “Birth of a New Brain – Healing from Postpartum Bipolar” (Post Hill Press, 2017). Blog: www.proudlybipolar.wordpress.com, Twitter: @birthofnewbrain

The first thing that comes to mind is that I need to justify why I’m there seeking help at this appointment and I wasn’t really sure how I need to respond. I was asked to rate my suicidal thoughts on a scale of ‘1 to 10’ (1 being the least severe and 10 being the most severe) and thought to myself, ‘do I need to respond with a high number so that I can get the help that I need, or will a low number not make them take me seriously enough?’ I remember feeling like I needed to justify that I needed help and it seemed as if a number was supposed to prove it. I get that a number is supposed to reflect my thoughts and feelings, but I didn’t feel like it was a genuine representation of my situation.

Anonymous, Psychotherapist

Having seen a psychiatrist in the past, I remember feeling anxious about this question because I knew what to expect in an evaluation, even though I didn’t feel suicidal. Fortunately, I knew the psychiatrist came highly recommended, was well-established in the community, and was someone I could trust, but what if I had no choice but to see a random psychiatrist (quite similar to the experiences many of my patients have encountered in the past) who was a novice, unskilled, or didn’t care to take the time to get to know or properly assess me? A psychiatrist’s job is hard and safety is our utmost concern, but building trust and mutual respect in a physician-patient relationship also needs to be a priority.

Vania, Psychiatrist and writer of Freud & Fashion

Photo by Marlon Santos

January 22, 2016 14 comments

Featured Guest Blogger

Why A Pre-Med Student With Bipolar Disorder Posted on YouTube Against Medical Advice

written by freudandfashion

{Logan’s transformation leading up to disclosure of his mental illness}

I recall browsing through Logan Noone’s Instagram last year, taking note of his scenic photos of the great outdoors and noticing the huge smile on his face pictured standing on snowy slopes or sitting among friends at sporting events. His profile stated he was a mental health advocate, and other than that, my assumptions of him were based on his seemingly happy and active lifestyle. Fast forward to a few weeks ago when I received a thoughtfully edited email from Logan informing me of his status as a non-traditional pre-medical student in pursuit of a career in medicine, particularly Psychiatry. What stood out and impressed me the most about Logan was his tenacity — little did I know that behind his picturesque Instagram posts was a man who battled and has since gained control of his bipolar disorder. After watching his viral YouTube video about recovering from bipolar disorder, I knew that he’d make a valuable asset to the medical community to advocate for change and reduce stigma, especially since the culture of the medical field tends to discourage such disclosures of having mental illness. Therefore, I’m excited to have Logan contribute to my blog as he discusses his motivation to become a physician and how the school shooting at Sandy Hook influenced his decision to go public with his diagnosis.

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“There is an old story about a blind man heading towards a well, and there’s a guy who’s watching. If the blind man falls into the well, who gets the blame? If you’re watching something you can prevent, you’ve got to do something.”

– Manoj Bhargava

It’s February of 2013, about two months after the devastating shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut. The total fatalities are still hard to swallow: 20 children, 6 staff members, and the mother of the shooter were found dead on December 14, 2012. The entire world was shaken and struggling to find a reason for this senseless tragedy. The storyline seemed all too familiar: a person suffering from mental illness committed horrific gun violence.

Now, let’s rewind the clock about 8 months. I was 22 years old and newly graduated from college. While the rest of my classmates were celebrating after graduating or starting up a new job, I found myself in the emergency psychiatric ward. Two years of severe mood swings, alcohol abuse, insomnia, anxiety, and a breakup culminated in my first manic episode. I found myself overwhelmed with euphoric feelings, rapid speech and grandiose thoughts. This feeling continued to evolve over the course of 5 days with no sleep, paranoia, and auditory hallucinations.

I displayed the basic symptoms of bipolar disorder. Also, considering my family’s history of the disorder, it was pretty easy for my psychiatrist to diagnose me with Bipolar Disorder Type 1. The medical staff outlined how I would have to live my life with the support of medication, therapy, and support systems. However, the medical staff also indicated I needed to be cautious whom I disclose my bipolar disorder to. “People’s opinions could change when they find out you have bipolar disorder. It could hurt your employment, housing, or social life.”

Fast forward back to February 2013. I hardly told anyone about my mental illness, I was insecure and utterly hopeless. Images of the Sandy Hook shooting were everywhere. It seemed like the public stigma towards mental illness literally could not get any more intense.

To understand my struggle, consider that I grew up about 40 minutes north of Sandy Hook elementary. My mom is an elementary art teacher, and my father served on the public school board in our town for nearly a decade. I knew I could never commit a crime like Sandy Hook. But, because of this tragedy and other similar shootings, the public perceived my mental illness as a threat.

People with mental illness can recover, and they are more often victims of violence rather than the perpetrators. If I continued to remain silent about my mental illness, there was no way I could expect the stigma surrounding mental illness to change. I knew that I had to help repaint society’s poorly painted picture of mental illness and lead by example.

Living openly with my mental illness would require bravery, or so I thought. During February of 2013, I finally joined a mental illness speaker’s bureau and shared my Bipolar Disorder Recovery Video online. I quickly realized my expectations for being publicly open about my mental illness were different from reality. Saying that I received an overwhelming amount of positive support would be an understatement. Within two weeks, the video had over 15,000 views. The video was shared by many of my friends, reposted on numerous mental health websites, and featured on Fox News. I connected with old friends and even new people from all over the world.

I was pleasantly surprised by the amount of support I had received from my disclosure. Perhaps people are more accepting of mental illness than I expected. I originally thought being open about my mental illness would require a courageous effort. I was wrong.

Being open about my bipolar disorder is simply a logical and honest choice. 1 in 4 adults suffer from some type of mental illness. It’s only logical that our society start to recognize and accept that we all will be personally impacted by mental illness in our own life or through someone we love. The mere statistics prove that there is an incredible amount of people just like you in the world.

I’d be lying if I said living openly with my mental illness was all “smooth sailing.” Of course, I’ve met people that aren’t supportive of mental illness or its treatment. Numerous times, I’ve had people tell me mental illness isn’t real, or my medication will simply turn me into a zombie. I’ve even been congratulated that I am not violent because of my bipolar disorder. Um, thanks…

But I don’t let these negative incidents regret my decision. When I first encountered these opinions, I was furious and insulted. But now, 3 years after my disclosure, I’ve grown wiser in my demeanor. It would be naïve of me to think that a social change could occur without a few bumps in the road. Now, rather than be upset by ignorance, I get motivated by it, and do my best to change opinions through a healthy and respectful dialogue.

My openness has changed what I want out of my career. I found that simply acknowledging my mental illness allowed others to feel comfortable talking to me about their mental health challenges. There is no better reward than knowing that you helped someone also fight mental health stigma, pursue professional help, or better yet, stop them from hurting themselves.

Shortly after disclosing my mental illness, I decided I wanted to work in the mental health industry in some capacity. I felt I could make the biggest contributions to mental health if I help improve the scientific understanding of our brains and mental illness. Frustrated by my own personal experiences with psychiatrists, I want to be a psychiatrist that could connect with their patients in a more natural manner and help inspire them to tackle stigma head on as well. With that in mind, I am currently preparing to apply to medical school in 2016.

Being open about my mental illness helped me find my own inspiration, passion, and drive. I couldn’t simply be a bystander to a problem I knew I could help fix. That’s my style.

For more info on Logan Noone, check out his YouTube Videos below. You can also find him on Instagram.

Bipolar Disorder Recovery Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bvdrFowzG94

Sacramento NAMI Walk Speech 2013: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KRKQSyPYIEE

November 17, 2015 5 comments

Featured Guest Blogger

How a Nurse Practitioner Living With Bipolar Disorder Takes Control In the Workplace

written by freudandfashion

I first came across Ann Roselle, an acute care nurse practitioner, via Twitter after reading the extremely personal and brave post that she wrote for the online magazine, Ravishly, which poignantly highlights the humiliation she experienced during one of her numerous psychiatric hospitalizations. Given the stigma that surrounds mental illness, many may feel ashamed to disclose their diagnoses (especially as a professional in the medical field). However, Ann writes so openly about living with postpartum onset bipolar disorder as a guest contributor on several websites and in her blog, Bipolar&Me. She dispels the misconception that people diagnosed with bipolar disorder can’t live fulfilling lives, have a successful career, balance numerous roles and responsibilities (wife, mom of 3 boys, mental health advocate, blogger, to name a few), AND cope with the fluctuations in mood characteristic of bipolar disorder. I am a huge fan of Ann’s writing and am honored to have her contribute to my blog as she discusses her commitment to maintaining stability in her personal and professional life.

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“It’s stylish to talk about mental health, especially how we maintain our own.” As a nurse practitioner who lives with a serious mental illness, bipolar I disorder to be exact, how could I not fall in love with a blog with a psychiatrist who talks so frankly about mental health and her practice?

I am a surgical nurse practitioner, specializing in cardiac surgery. I am fortunate enough to be able to be open about my disorder in the workplace. I had fears initially about being open, however with time I believe it has proven to be a positive experience. In my case, living with bipolar disorder never proved troublesome with my training as I was diagnosed after I had been in active practice for six years. So, the questions that beg to be asked are — How does my illness impact my patients or influence my interactions with them? And how do I maintain stability with full-time employment in a stressful environment?

First, it starts with the moment you accept that you have an illness. That you have an illness you are going to need to learn to manage as one manages any chronic illness. And, I won’t lie — accepting the diagnosis is hard. I didn’t want to accept my diagnosis for a long time. I cried and mourned the vision of the life that I thought I was going to have, that I was supposed to have, thinking everything changed in the moment I received my diagnosis. It took a long time for me to realize nothing had actually changed and that the life I wanted and envisioned was still there waiting for me to seize it.

Part of my seizing the day, so to speak, was to commit myself to doing what I needed to do and stop fighting with my treatment team. Stop fighting the need for medication. To stop being the non-compliant patient I would roll my very eyes about as a practitioner. I showed up for appointments, attended groups faithfully in the early days, and took my medications. I played with my diet trying to find a proper nutritional balance. I quit drinking on a regular basis. I became fanatical about ensuring proper sleep hygiene and getting rest. I fully admit that I am not great about the exercise piece as my work hours limit my ability to get to a gym on workdays and I am so busy with my family on days off. I’ll get there, though. Exercise helps mood and I feel infinitely better on the days I’m physically active.

Now, what about nursing practice you ask? What about those patients? Ultimately, if you are in treatment (on meds, working with a therapist, a prescriber, or even have a support group to fall back on) and stable, the disorder has no bearing on your practice. None. I hold the view my bipolar disorder is a chronic manageable condition no different than diabetes or hypertension. I learned (and am still learning) to manage my moods in the same vein that a diabetic learns to count carbohydrates and manage their blood sugar.

Emotionally, I have always had the ability to hold myself together for the hours I am at work and dealing with patients. My patients will never know I carry this diagnosis. I may fall apart once I get home and feel safe to do so, but never within the walls of my employment. I also make it a rule that no matter what happens, no matter the co-morbid psychiatric diagnosis my cardiac patients may carry, I never reveal myself to them. They come for cardiac care and not to hear my story. I do find I have become more empathetic to those who carry psychiatric diagnoses. I discourage staff from saying inappropriate and stigmatizing things both in and out of earshot of patients. There is a huge difference in a patient who is emotionally labile because of a mood disorder and a patient who is emotionally labile trying to cope with their physical illness. I view it as my responsibility to help staff understand such a critical difference. Emotional lability in and of itself does not a bipolar make. I make sure my patients’ home medication regimens are adhered to as closely as possible. And when a patient is acutely decompensating in terms of their mood or mental status, I make sure that medically we have dotted our I’s and crossed our T’s before calling the psychiatry consult service.

I’m not perfect. I have days I need to take a time out and walk away. This is beyond the usual code blue that may have been upsetting for staff or seeing a patient I really cared about suffer from a devastating complication. I have colleagues who respect that need and allow me the moments I need to compose myself and come back calm and ready to do my job.

I am fortunate to do what I do. And I am fortunate to be able to practice with both the patient and provider perspective.

While I am only human, at the end of the day, I think all those I encounter are better for it.

For more of Ann Roselle’s writings, check out her blog, Bipolar&Me. You can also find her on Twitter and Facebook.

October 27, 2015 7 comments

Psychiatry

May Is For Mental Health

written by freudandfashion

It seems just like yesterday that I wrote about Mental Health Awareness Week (see my post here), and I’m happy that the entire month of May is devoted to educating the public about such a prime aspect of our wellbeing. I hope that communities will continue to grow and strengthen in their understanding of mental health so that nobody ever has to feel isolated in their struggles. For me, each day provides an opportunity to educate about mental health (though my siblings have to constantly remind me to “stop working”/psychoanalyzing on my days off). If you follow me on Instagram, I plan to post daily information related to the field for the remainder of the month of May.

When brainstorming something to write to commemorate this month, I felt that my response to a question that MedDebate asked me during an interview seemed appropriate:

In your opinion, How do we eradicate the stigmas associated with mental health conditions?

I believe that eliminating stigma requires empathy, self-awareness, and normalization of mental health discussions. Many still believe that mental illnesses are signs of weakness rather than the fact that they are true neurologic diseases. Educating and raising awareness are important factors for understanding issues in mental health, but education can only go so far without empathy. To be completely honest, even I had my own stigma going into the psychiatric profession and it wasn’t until I acknowledged my own mental health issues that I was able to be more open, relate even more to my patients, and reduce stigma in my mind. The more people are willing to talk about their own mental health, the more people can connect with one another to normalize discussions of mental health-related issues.

May 11, 2015 6 comments

Psychiatry

Go Green!

written by freudandfashion

I spent this Sunday partaking in what practically 50% of Americans are fans of: watching pro football. I looked in awe at the stylishly bright, slick, and sporty pink athletic gear that each team member wore in support of Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I wished that Mental Illness Awareness Week (October 5-11, 2014) received just as much media and support.

For me, Mental Illness Awareness Week means promoting empathy rather than sympathy. With empathy comes understanding and lessening of stigma. Even as a psychiatrist, there are times when I feel awkward asking friends about depression, so I can imagine how difficult it might be for anyone to openly discuss and start a conversation about mental illness. But keep in mind that mental illness is far more prevalent than you may think:

– 1 in 4 U.S. adults suffer from mental illness

– 1 in 10 Americans take antidepressants

– Almost 50% of children ages 8-15 with a mental illness received NO treatment last year

Yet, despite how prevalent it is, suffering from mental illness is often lonely and isolating and nobody should have to feel that way.

So what can YOU do?

– Go Green! Wear lime green this week to serve as a reminder and trigger discussion among others about raising awareness and destigmatizing mental illness

– check out the Nami website to learn more facts about mental illness, treatment, and resources

– try to lend support rather than avoid. If you sense that someone you know is struggling, please check in on them. It sounds so simple, but you can make a difference and potentially save someone’s life

THOUGHT OF THE DAY: Share one thing you did this week to show your support (post in comments below)!

October 7, 2014 4 comments

Travel

Oregon Trails

written by freudandfashion

The countdown of the last eight years of medical school and residency seemed never-ending, but the remaining seven weeks until graduation seem to fly by way too fast. So much has happened in the last six months since my latest blogpost, which includes securing a new job as an outpatient psychiatrist back home in southern California, finishing my final duties as chief resident, starting/leading a bipolar support group, gaining confidence in my abilities as a psychotherapist, and feeling sentimental about my treasured time spent in Oregon. I anticipate the next few weeks to be packed with fun-filled exploration of the great Northwest, which I plan to share with all of you, starting with a few photos from recent trips to Silverton and the Oregon coast.

May 8, 2012 4 comments