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love

Tips To Get Through Valentine’s Day With More Self-Love

The journey to incorporate more self-care can be tough, especially during a holiday known for spending and splurging on a significant other. Since I’ve written several blogposts on tips to survive Valentine’s Day (here & here), I decided to do something different and instead ask my wonderful social media friends/followers for some of their own tips to get through Valentine’s Day. And I was pleasantly surprised to find that each one consisted of more self-love and expression of love towards family members and close friends. The following is a list of their personal tips to make it a special day full of fun, love, and self-care:

1. Treat Yo Self

“Have an entire ‘treat yo self day.’ Think of your favorite meal and go eat it and do an activity you’ve been dying to try.” ~ @studentdoctornas

“I remind myself it’s just like any other day, but I buy myself two bouquets of flower and sometimes I take myself out to eat. But this year, it’s mid-week, so I don’t even care lol.” ~ Anonymous

2. Avoid Social Media

“…because you’ll probably make yourself miserable and jealous (been there done that) or take time to celebrate your love for your friends (Galentine’s Day, for example) or find solace in other single people who just want to have some company too!” ~ @abbyoooooo

3. Celebrate Galentine’s Day

“Doing stupid things with friends! Pick something you haven’t done before (new hiking spot, new dish to make, new movie to watch) and let yourselves have sad time (if needed), then laugh at silly penis jokes like a group of 5 year olds.” ~ @ashtstc

“…Have a get together with your gals that night – it’s super fun and you can talk about The Bachelor. Make it a potluck! It’s about self-care and also spreading love with your friends (doesn’t just have to be your spouse/boyfriend).” ~ @aroraborealis_

“Having a Galentine’s Day with my favorite girlfriends and enjoying each other’s friendship with good food and treats! Always fun to show friends how much I love them and to make EVERYONE feel loved and included!” ~ @scarvesandsweets

“Spend time with your single gal pals! Preferably going to watch a movie or having dinner. It’s not the best idea to meet up to talk about how “it’s terrible to be single.” Embrace the time you have to grow and learn more about yourself!” ~ @chasingmomentsphotoco

4. Celebrate What You’re Passionate About (with those who share the same passion)

“On Valentine’s Day I usually follow my regular routine (classes, studying), but this year I actually decided to meet some friends who are also practicing medicine. And we’re going to get ready and go out because medicine is romantic to us and we love it. There’s a bigger picture to it — Yes, it’s romantic for couples, but it’s also romantic for people who carry a greater passion for other things they love!” ~ @neuroskeptic

5. Volunteer Your Time To Help Others

“One of my best memories when I was single was to spend Valentine’s Day volunteering at a woman’s shelter or a nursing home to help those who may not always get the love and attention they deserve.” ~ @phportfolio

“Do something special for a stranger! I try to donate my hair to Locks of Love or Beautiful Lengths!” ~ @joannab2789

6. Don’t Wait For Flowers, Just Ask For It!

“I asked my dad to bring me flowers on Valentine’s Day.” ~ @thalia_kay

7. Celebrate Love That Already Exists Rather Than Pining For Something More

“I’m celebrating love in my life as it exists! Not romantic love, but love for friends, love for my puppy, etc.” ~ Anonymous

“My friends and I are getting all dressed up, eating cookies and pizza, and playing games together to celebrate our friendship and singleness. I think it’s a good way to turn Valentine’s Day into something you look forward to as a single person!” ~ @purcella92

8. Celebrate On A Budget

“We don’t do anything different than any other night. One year we bought a heart-shaped pizza, but we were already getting pizza anyway. Maybe it’s because we’re poor students/paying off loans, but we just don’t spend money on it. We buy discount chocolate afterwards!” ~ @portcitycaitlin

9. Make It A Positive Holiday, Even After A Divorce

“The first Valentine’s Day after my divorce I decided to make it a celebration of love in general, so I invited friends, both single and couples, to go celebrate our friendship. We went out for drinks, played pool, and had dinner. It was one of the best Valentine’s Days that I can recall! Key is to be grateful for who and what you do have in your life, so don’t focus on the negativity and sadness.” ~ @serratos114

10. Change Your Perspective

“It’s all about perspective. Dates like Valentine’s Day can seem like deadlines to meet and when you haven’t found your soulmate by the 14th, that can be unnecessarily rough! I don’t look at Valentine’s Day as a day for just relationships. It’s a day for all the people who you love and care for. I use the holiday to show appreciation to friends and family. That change in perspective has made a positive difference for me.” ~ @chrisrivi

If you’d like to add your own tips for Valentine’s Day, leave a comment below! And cheers to more self-care!

February 14, 2018 2 comments

therapy

Last Minute Tips To Get Through Valentine’s Day

written by freudandfashion

It’s possible that you’ve been dreading this day and now that it’s here, keep in mind that there’s just a few more hours you need to get through before it’s OVER. Farewell. Good riddens. Until next year. You can then move forward with the rest of the year once the clock turns midnight (or go to bed really early).

And I’m not just talking about people who are single — I’ve observed an increase in anxiety from people who are single, partnered, married, recently split/divorced, or in a new relationship. Therefore, the following are some tips for minimizing anxiety and getting through Valentine’s Day with a sense of contentment:

FOR THOSE IN A RELATIONSHIP AND PLAN TO CELEBRATE VALENTINE’S DAY

1. Do you get overwhelmed by the Valentine’s Day crowds and long lines at restaurants?? I’ve noticed that even extroverts wish to avoid public places on this day (myself included). Unless you’ve already confirmed dinner reservations for a fancy pre fixe menu (dinner cancellations usually have to be made more than 24 hours in advance), then instead discuss with your significant other if they’re open to having a quiet night in. Sometimes doing something simple that both of you would appreciate will make a far more memorable and meaningful Valentine’s Day.

However, if you’re in a fairly new relationship, then stick with the night out that you’ve already discussed, but be sure to allow yourself enough time to wind down and relax afterwards.

2. Do you resent having to spend an excessive amount of money on Valentine’s Day? Well, you can rest assured knowing you’re not the only one who despises this corporate holiday. An article from The Atlantic discusses how research done by Angeline Close Scheinbaum, Associate Professor of Marketing at the University of Texas at Austin, found that there’s a significant amount of anti-consumerism associated with the holiday.

Here’s Scheinbaum quoting one of her research subjects in the Journal of Business Research:

Most (63 percent) males and some (31 percent) females feel obligated to give a gift to their partner for this holiday. Some couples discuss their frustrations; yet they still buy:

“Valentine’s Day is a way for retailers to get you to spend money in their stores. People get caught up in the B.S. and I should not have to spend extra to show I care, and my girlfriend agrees. But we both still spent plenty!”

3. Be present and in the moment. Oftentimes we set unrealistic expectations of what the ‘perfect’ Valentine’s Day is supposed to look like. And the pressures of media (especially social media) causes many to desire that picture-perfect celebration, which distracts from the whole purpose of the night. Therefore, allot only a few minutes to snap a few memorable photos to document the occasion, THEN be sure to put the phone AWAY for the rest of the occasion.

FOR THOSE WHO ARE SINGLE, SEPARATED, DIVORCED, OR IN A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP

1. If you’re single, utilize this day to treat yourself. Consider choosing an activity that allows you to reconnect with things YOU enjoy. Remember, Valentine’s Day is often a time when people stress about trying to please the other person in their life, so celebrate the fact that you get a chance to treat yourself without the added pressure! Whether your preferences consist of watching a movie, taking an exercise class, going shopping or out to dinner with a close friend, etc, be sure to plan something you enjoy.

2. If you’re going through a breakup, separation, or divorce — spend time with those who are supportive and close to you. If you’re unable to arrange plans with others, then be sure to arrange for something relaxing and semi-distracting (such as an exercise class, massage, shopping, etc). Or consider arranging to talk on the phone/Skype/FaceTime, etc with a close friend/family member who understands what you’re going through. Oftentimes Valentine’s Day causes people to feel even more lonely and sad about the split, but you can re-direct these thoughts by remembering the reasons you broke up in the first place. Even though you’re sad, keep in mind that ultimately you’ll grow from this experience.

3. Use this day to jumpstart your dating life. Perhaps you’ve been wanting to sign up for an online dating site or have been holding off on having your friends set you up with someone — consider Valentine’s Day as a source of motivation (instead of a trigger for depressive thoughts).

4. If you’re in a long distance relationship — arrange for a phone or Skype date with your significant other, or spend the day with classmates, coworkers, or friends. I was fortunate to have awesome classmates during residency and recall having a group dinner one year on Valentine’s Day. However, if you’re a medical student or resident, you’ll likely have minimal time to celebrate and instead will be distracted by studying anyway.

5. If you’re an independent thinker who prefers not to play into the hype of this ‘holiday,’ then protest this overly commercialized day by treating it as any regular day of the week. Feel free to laugh at those spending hundreds of dollars on gifts and the angry drivers rushing to make it in time for their early dinner reservations.

Well, regardless of what you do, I hope your Valentine’s Day turns out to be one that’s the least anxiety-provoking as possible! 🙂

February 14, 2017 4 comments

Personal therapy

Love Thyself

written by freudandfashion

{Sonoma, California}

Sure, when I first heard Hailee Steinfeld’s single, “Love Myself,” on the radio, I initially became excited that such a popular song celebrated a love for one’s self. And even after dissecting the song’s lyrics (to discover the actual allusion to masturbation), I still remained inspired to write a post that paid homage to myself, particularly because I have been feeling more self-conscious and self-critical lately. The thought of writing about oneself may stir some anxiety due to fear of being judged as narcissistic, self-centered, self-absorbed, conceited, etc, etc. However, our inner critic can be the worst critic of all (I swear my therapist points out my harsh self-criticism at each and every therapy session). And as cliche as it sounds — if we can’t love ourselves, how can we expect anyone else to love us? For me, promoting a healthy sense of self-worth outweighs any risk of judgement.

I vividly recall having to write an acrostic name poem during elementary school and struggling to come up with words that described me. So, as I sit on my couch tonight full of regret for eating pastries brought home from clinic and guilt for not waking up early enough to hit the gym this morning, hear goes my attempt to write a positive ode to myself:

Thoughtful, caring, interactive

I’m reliable, proactive

Down for an outing or adventure

If something new, you’ll be my mentor

Comfortable with leading

Will call you out if misleading

Advocate for those in need

A dog lover of many breeds

A perfectionist constantly inspired

Motivated to grow by those I admire

Smart, sarcastic, smiley

Environmentally-friendly, candid, kindly

Family comes first

Friends down to earth

Finds beauty unrehearsed

Always something to converse

Discount shopping in bursts

Will gladly help unless you’re curt

Spiritually immersed

So hardworking that it hurts

I know what I’m worth

Thought of the Day: Care to try writing one for yourself? (much respect to you if it comes easy…this took me longer to write than I’m willing to admit!)

September 19, 2015 10 comments

Personal

Mother’s Day Note

written by freudandfashion

{Napa, California}

Oftentimes, I observe my mom and wish that I could match her levels of energy, thoughtfulness, and ability to multi-task. Fortunately, some of her traits were passed on to me, though I still hope for late-onset development of her culinary skills. Even as an adult, if I’m ever out of line or “misbehave” in any way, my mom is the one person whom I will always fear to put me in my place! But seriously, she embodies all the qualities I’d hope to possess when I have my own children. I love you Mom, Happy Mother’s Day 🙂

And to all the wonderful mothers and mother figures — hope you have a well-deserved, enjoyable & relaxing day!

May 10, 2015 5 comments