The Crucial Transition From Work to Home

{Beverly Hills, California}

One of my patients told me that the most frustrating part of his day occurs the moment he arrives home from work when his family accuses him of being isolative and uninterested (due to his first activity upon arrival consisting of sitting in his parked car in the driveway and/or watering the lawn instead of immediately engaging in family affairs).  When my patient told me this, I actually thought about my own behavior upon arriving home from work, and to be honest, I can be pretty bitchy.  That is, unless I allow proper time to switch gears from work mode to home mode.  Those who live with me have observed that my mood typically goes from snappy/serious/irritable to talkative/cheery/joking over the course of 30 minutes.

Not much research exists on this topic, but I assume that there are various reasons that the lingering effects of work can have a negative impact upon arriving home.  Here are a few factors to consider that may contribute to the tough transition:

• Traffic congestion – feeling trapped in your car, moving inches on the freeway, dealing with aggressive drivers, running behind in your schedule due to delays, and the potential threat of car accidents are all factors that can easily raise one’s heart rate, blood pressure, level of arousal, and automatically trigger you to go into a protective/defensive mode.
• Work stress – having an extensive to-do list, meeting project deadlines, dealing with coworkers’ differing personalities, tolerating conflicts in opinions of supervisors or administration, etc, are all situations in the work environment that require excess mental energy to deal with, leaving incomplete tasks and unresolved issues that may carry over into the home environment.
• Home responsibilities – in a perfect world, we might be able to come home after a stressful day and be able to relax and worry about absolutely no other responsibilities.  Yet, in reality, leaving work means moving from one set of responsibilities to another (children or a spouse demanding your attention, chores to complete, dinner to prepare, bills to pay, friends’ events to attend, etc).

How to make the transition:

Establish a routine that works for you.  This involves evaluating your current routine going from work to home and incorporating practices that help you eliminate or get around triggers and negative thoughts.  The Wall Street Journal published an article about “rethinking your after-work routine” and I definitely agree with Cali Williams Yost‘s recommendation to think about the transition from work to home in terms of three stages: leaving the workplace, getting home, and walking through the door.

• Stage 1:  Leaving the Workplace
  • To ward off negative feelings, consider a routine that acknowledges your accomplishments of the day or think about positive things that occurred during your day.
    • I make sure to leave 10 minutes at the end of the workday to look at my list of accomplishments (ie, the items I checked off on my to-do list) and prioritize tasks left to complete the following day.  This routine works for me because I’m left with a sense of accomplishment focusing on the tasks that I actually DID complete, rather than focusing on what I did not complete.  I also like to organize and tidy my desk so that upon arrival to work the next morning, I feel as if I’m starting new rather than being left with a sense of disorganization from the previous day.  I also try to check in with the nurses and thank them for all their hard work from the busy day.
• Stage 2:  Getting Home
  • As mentioned above, the commute from work to home can evoke excess stress, so consider methods to minimize aggression.
    • I always admired one of my mentors during residency because he’d bike home from work (something I’d consider doing if I still lived in Oregon rather than southern California), but since it’s far easier for me to drive, I make sure to blast uplifting music on the radio or talk on the phone with one of my close friends (who is also a psychiatrist that commutes home around the same time of day).  I also may volunteer to make a stop at the grocery store, which allows additional buffer time before arriving home.
• Stage 3:  Walking Through The Door
  • Identify triggers that may set you off upon arriving home (ie, your children demanding your attention, the need to cook dinner, a messy home in need of cleaning, etc) and figure out ways to get around the triggers.
    • For example, I suggested to my patient above that he communicate to his family the need for a few minutes of alone time each day after work to water the grass or sit in his car.
    • For me, I am easily triggered when I come home to a messy kitchen, so in the morning I try to empty the dishwasher and load any dirty dishes left on the counters or sink.

Thought of the Day:  What are some practices that you can incorporate into your routine to ease the transition from work to home?