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...BECAUSE IT'S STYLISH TO TALK ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH, ESPECIALLY HOW WE MAINTAIN OUR OWN.

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physician

Featured

“Going To Therapy as a Psychiatrist Didn’t Just Help me. It Helped My Patients.”

written by freudandfashion
“Going To Therapy as a Psychiatrist Didn’t Just Help me. It Helped My Patients.”

When I decided to pursue a career as a psychiatrist during medical school, I never fathomed that I would have to address my own mental health. After all, as a physician I’m supposed to help others, but not the other way around right?

When we consider the stigma of mental health, in some ways it’s starting to improve as people start to become more open to share their mental health struggles. However, I come from two backgrounds where the stigma of mental health remains quite high — first, culturally as a minority woman, and second, as a physician where fear exists in regards to potential negative consequences of seeking treatment.

Yet, despite the stigma, I grew to discover the significant, life-changing impact that seeking support from a therapist can have. And I know many of you out there have had similar experiences, or perhaps have contemplated making an appointment, but are hesitant due to the stigma (trust me, I know how you feel).

Check out the article I wrote for Healthline HERE to read more about why I sought therapy and how the experience of seeing a therapist made me a better person and ultimately, a better psychiatrist for my patients.

January 23, 2019 0 comment
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Featured

Video: A Psychiatrist Goes To Therapy

written by admin
Video: A Psychiatrist Goes To Therapy

(SEE VIDEO BELOW)

Not many people talk about being in therapy, but as a psychiatrist, it’s my goal to break the stigma of seeing a therapist because it can be an amazing source of support. In this quick video, I talk about my therapy journey and how it has helped me grow into the person and physician that I am today.

Note: I originally created this video for my IGTV on my Instagram (@freudandfashion), so I apologize for the quality! Let me know your own thoughts about psychotherapy in the comments below! Thanks for watching.

September 30, 2018 1 comment
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Medicine

Healthcare Lesson On a Plane Ride

written by freudandfashion
Healthcare Lesson On a Plane Ride

{Sacramento International Airport}

On my flight from Austin (where I spoke at the SNMA conference) to Sacramento last week, I sat next to a kind, wise man in his 80s who explained his history of diabetes as he pulled out his glucose meter to check his blood sugar.  “I hope you don’t mind needles, but my blood sugar tends to run high during plane rides,” he said.  I let him know that I was a physician and didn’t mind at all, then told him a story of how I helped a lady who fainted from low blood sugar a few days ago during my flight from Los Angeles to Austin.  He replied, “Oh, when my blood sugar gets low to around 50, my eyes pop out so I know to sip some orange juice to bring my blood sugar back up.”

When the flight attendant came around, I watched him request a glass of water and some peanuts as a snack.  “My blood pressure was running low today and my doc told me I should have a little salt and some water when I get this way,” he said.

Quite impressed by his self-awareness and knowledge of his medical issues, I asked how he became so pro-active in his care.  “I’ve had a great doctor for the last 20 years and he always lets me know when I’m doing something right or wrong when it comes to my health, and I listen because I know he cares.”  I looked at him and smiled with a bit of nostalgia and envy as I said, “You’re lucky to have a wonderful doctor.”

Made me wonder how much more proactive and healthier people could be if so much bureaucracy didn’t get in the way of the doctor-patient relationship.

April 2, 2016 16 comments
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Personal

Thankful Thursdays

written by freudandfashion
Thankful Thursdays

{Los Angeles, California}

I haven’t done a Thankful Thursday post on my blog in awhile (though I do a weekly “Thankful Thursdays” series on my Snapchat account), but figured I’d do one this week especially since my two week vacation is coming up the following week, which I’m long overdue and looking forward to.  As I mentioned in one of my previous posts, I have been experiencing burnout from work, which has led to general feelings of detachment, mood changes, and decreased ability to efficiently maintain my responsibilities at work.  Though my vacation isn’t until next week, I’ve been trying to relax and enjoy myself this week, which was accomplished by taking a spontaneous trip through Los Angeles, including the amazing Getty Museum.  I am thankful not only for the break I’ll get, but for the fact that I recognized my need for self-care not only for the sake of myself, but also so that I can better support, care for, and be present for my patients.

Though of the Day:  What are you thankful for from this week??

For background information of the reasoning behind my Thankful Thursdays posts, check out my 1st post of the series here!  (And subsequent posts here and here).

20150708_194004 (2)

{Santa Monica sunset}

July 9, 2015 8 comments
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Lifestyle

Personal Independence Day

written by freudandfashion
Personal Independence Day

{Malibu, California}

I recall previous 4th of July holidays spent working in the hospital, or on-call with my pager held tight as I nibbled on barbecue anxiously anticipating a flurry of calls regarding the behavioral management of alcohol-intoxicated patients.  This year, however, I am free from the responsibility of being on call, free from the hospital, free from clinic, but NOT free from the mentality that I SHOULD be productive and get items A-Z done on my to-do list.  Doctors tend to be perfectionists, overly self-critical, driven, competitive, which usually means that putting their “workaholic” tendencies aside in order to relax can be quite difficult.  Well, at least that’s how I feel, but I’m working on it.

So, today after 12pm I intend on putting my computer, to-do list, and anything work-related aside for the sake of my own health and sanity.  I think it’s about time to enjoy the traditions of this historic event in America, especially since barbecue and the beach sound far more appealing than doing paperwork and organizing my house.

Thought of the Day: Any other workaholics with me on this?  Do you allow yourself to put work aside during holiday weekends?

July 4, 2015 9 comments
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Personal

Brighter Days

written by freudandfashion
Brighter Days

{Napa, California}

I am so appreciative of the supportive comments I received after sharing my personal experience of physician burnout.  I’ve had similar experiences, especially during medical school and residency, but never felt comfortable enough to share until recently.  In my practice, I work with so many patients who suppress their emotions.  I identify with them wholeheartedly because I am just like them.  During residency, I made excuses to avoid meetings with my supervisors because rather than discuss patient cases, the meetings would somehow turn into therapy sessions where I’d cry and feel embarrassed for exposing my vulnerabilities.  At the time, suppression and isolation were the only ways I knew how to cope, but it’s a pattern I am actively trying to break ever since I started seeing a psychotherapist during my fourth year of residency.

A common phrase that I mention to my patients (which was told to me by my amazing sister, who is a marriage and family therapist) is that “if you suppress yourself, you depress yourself.”  We all suppress ourselves to some degree, but once able to overcome the barriers {our own internal barriers (i.e. cultural, self-criticism, etc), in addition to external barriers (such as the immense pressures and expectations placed on physicians)}, then we have a better chance at achieving wellness and exerting more control in our lives and our careers.

June 27, 2015 6 comments
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MedicinePsychiatry

Out of Isolation

written by freudandfashion
Out of Isolation

{Calistoga, California}

I noticed that my latest posts convey far less emotion than usual.  My reserve for tolerating stress had reached maximum capacity, which I realized upon my first day back at work from vacation three weeks ago as exhaustion immediately erased any sense of relaxation from my trip.  Perhaps I should have requested two weeks off instead of one?  Either way, I’ve felt numb in the past (as I wrote in previous posts), but my current state of numbness also included fatigue and the need for multiple naps throughout the day.  At first, I blamed my tiredness on multiple potential causes (overexerting myself during workouts, not eating enough, lack of sleep).  I returned to clinic with a massive inbox full of emails, prescription refill requests, and patient messages, but the one message that impacted me the most was a note documenting that one of my patients (whom I least expected to have a suicide attempt) was in the psychiatric hospital due to an attempted suicide by overdose. Normally, I’d breathe a sigh of relief knowing that my patient was alive, safe, and receiving care in a secure environment, however, something triggered me at that moment to feel even more anxious than usual, which led to a massive headache.  Did I develop a headache because my mind can’t tolerate the thought of experiencing even more patient loss and grief?

Fatigue continued to hit me on a daily basis.  And how ironic that I recently wrote a blog post on tiredness and neither of the reasons I listed seemed to fit my case.  However, I neglected two important, plausible causes (one that I even listed in my post) — Burnout & Depression.  One of my closest friends asked if I might be depressed and I quickly replied, “no, I just need to eat better.”

I thought to myself, “How can I be depressed?  I make a good living, I chose to enter this field, people respect me and tell me I’m a great doctor, I have amazing family and friends…”

Yet, after fighting the idea that I may in fact be burned out and depressed, I became more accepting and relieved at finally pinpointing the cause — yes, I was burned out and depressed.  I was experiencing loss of interest, fatigue, poor concentration, lack of motivation, and increased naps during the day.  How dumb of me not recognize the signs, especially since I’m a psychiatrist???  (Depression obviously impacts cognitive abilities as well)

Later that day, I randomly thought of one of my patients whom I haven’t seen in clinic for quite some time.  He missed his last two appointments with me and never returned follow-up calls.  I quickly searched for his name and confirmed my biggest fear once I saw the word “obituary” next to his name.  Tears filled my eyes, which led to uncontrollable sobbing.  I seriously wanted to quit my job that very moment.

My attempt at self-care and setting healthy boundaries:

Whereas in the past, I would’ve dealt with the news by isolating, throwing myself into work as a form of distraction, or having several glasses of wine once I came home, I knew that I’d eventually hit rock bottom unless I sought help from others.  I reached out to my close friends, sought support from my clinic manager, opened up about my issues in my therapy group, and talked to other staff members who knew my deceased patient.  I allowed myself to cry rather than holding in the tears.

Feelings of detachment had also replaced my propensity to engage with others, which made practicing psychiatry and being fully present for my patients much harder.  I scheduled a trip to visit my family in northern California for Father’s Day because I knew that visiting home would alleviate my detachment and make me feel like myself again.  Also, in further effort to prioritize self-care, I requested a two-week long vacation in the following month because I knew that more time off was necessary to fully recover my emotions, energy, and drive.

Why am I sharing my experience?  We may read research, statistics, and articles about physician burnout, yet the majority of people in the medical field still do not feel open nor comfortable enough to share due to fear of stigma, criticism, and feelings of guilt and shame.  A part of me even feels somewhat embarrassed posting this, but if someone out there can identify with my experience, then why not share?  Physician burnout is more common among physicians than other workers in the United States and has been linked with the following: negative impact on patient care, more likely medical errors, depression, and increased risk of suicide among physicians and medical students.

Staying silent about our struggles and trying to cope on our own does not solve the problem, especially since the rate of physician burnout is on the rise.  If we can’t advocate and stand up for ourselves, then who will?

June 25, 2015 26 comments
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Medicine

What Being a D.O. Means To Me

written by freudandfashion
What Being a D.O. Means To Me

 

DO pic

When approaching the door leading to my office, patients often look at the signage and proceed to ask one of the most frequently asked questions I receive: “What’s a D.O.?”

Several books and articles exist on explaining the background, history, and differences between being a D.O. (Doctor of Osteopathic Medicine) versus an M.D. (Doctor of Medicine).  Also, debates on which degree is better persist, though I personally find the feeds quite annoying and amusing at the same time (mostly because I remember diligently reading these forums before applying to medical school, which were predominantly biased towards M.D., but I’m able to confidently say that myself and all of my classmates/colleagues that I know of from my D.O. program turned out just fine).  So let me be clear that my purpose is NOT to exacerbate the debate between which degree to choose, but rather convey what being a D.O. means to me.

But first, let’s get the basics down regarding the two degrees (if you’re already aware of the basic similarities/differences, skip to the next paragraph):

  • What’s the same:
    • both undergo four years of medical school education (some schools actually offer both MD and DO programs where students attend the same lectures/classes, such as Michigan State and Rowan University).
    • both undergo the same amount of residency training depending on the program
    • both are fully licensed to practice medicine in the United States
  • What’s historically a bit different:
    • Different licensing exams: DOs take the COMLEX while MDs take the USMLE
    • DOs receive > 200 hours of osteopathic manipulative medicine training; MDs do not.
    • DO programs are historically known to accept the non-traditional applicant (for example, the average age of students are a bit older, may be non-science majors, or seeking a second career)
    • In 2008, 7% of practicing physicians in the U.S. were DO graduates and 68% were graduates from a U.S. MD schools (I tried to find more recent statistics, but couldn’t find an accurate source)
    • Osteopathic medicine is distinct in its philosophy that “all body systems are interrelated and dependent on one another for good health” (American Association of Colleges of Osteopathic Medicine)

I applied to both MD and DO programs for medical school and remained open to attending either one.  I interviewed at both types of programs, but only received acceptance letters from DO schools.  Perhaps I didn’t have the highest MCAT scores, GPA, or my interview responses weren’t impressive enough?  Well, whatever the reason, I was just happy that the DO admissions committee gave me the chance to prove that I’d make a good doctor.

The whole concept of a more holistic approach to medical practice offered by DO programs sounded ideal to me, yet at the time I was more focused on getting through school and graduating rather than on how the philosophies would impact my practice as a physician.  After graduating from medical school, I had the option to apply to either DO or MD residency training programs.  I applied to both, yet decided to pursue the osteopathic route when I heard about the opportunity to be a part of the first osteopathic psychiatry residency on the west coast.  As the oldest of 33 grandchildren, it was inherent of me to jump on the opportunity to help trailblaze a new program (my program director nicknamed me Hiawatha).  I knew that my decision posed potential limitations in obtaining a future job since a few organizations still don’t accept psychiatrists certified under the osteopathic board.  However, I took the risk because I saw more value in being the first to graduate from and help shape a new, developing program.

For me, being a DO fits my personality and what I’ve grown to stand for in my practice: being integrative, holistic, and preventative.  I truly believe that without such an emphasis on integrative medicine as one of the main tenets of the program, I wouldn’t be the physician that I am today.  Therefore, it’s no wonder that 50% of the graduates from DO programs become general practitioners (family practice, internal medicine, emergency medicine, etc).  I initially despised having to attend osteopathic manipulation classes, and even failed my very first practical exam.  Yet, the hands-on approach made me unafraid to touch my patients.  Each psychiatrist is different, but for the most part human touch provides a sense of comfort and connection.  A few of my patients politely ask for a hug, and if appropriate, I unhesitatingly oblige.

And in some unique way, I feel that being a DO caused me to work harder in a field predominantly filled with MDs to make my presence and way of practicing known.  When a large, metropolitan county declined to consider me for a job due to my credentials, I utilized the rejection as motivation to persevere rather than a barrier.

And most importantly, I used to feel bombarded by the numerous, large framed portraits of osteopathic medicine’s founder, Andrew Taylor Still, MD, which hung in almost every corridor of each osteopathic institution.  However, after feeling frustrated with several aspects of current practices in medicine, I’m undoubtedly far more appreciative and understanding of AT Still’s motivation in the 1800s as an MD to create a method of practice that rose from adversity (he lost 3 of his 12 children to viral meningitis with no method of saving them even as a physician himself) and frustration (an over-dependence on medications and the sometimes harmful medical practices of the time).  I actually wish his story was more widely publicized because he epitomizes successful individuation from mainstream medical practices amidst much scrutiny and opposition.

In the field of psychiatry, where Western medicine can’t always explain nor provide the most adequate treatment via pharmaceuticals, wouldn’t it be great if we had more modern day AT Stills to branch off and create a newer system of viewing and practicing mental health?  I’m truly frustrated with the current practices particularly the overemphasis on medications alone.  The number of overdoses (100 people die from drug overdoses everyday in the U.S.), medicated children as early as infancy, continue to rise.  Medications are only one component of treatment, but greater emphasis should be placed on developing resiliency, acknowledging the individual’s unique traits, and treating the person holistically rather than symptomatically.

AT Still put it best when he said the following:

“An absolute demand for revolution is before us at this date and time, for there is a demand for a progressive step in the line for treating disease.  For a number of days I have been haunted by the feeling that we are in danger of getting into a rut unworthy of higher consideration than should fall to mere imitation.  Let us not be governed to-day by what we did yesterday, nor to-morrow by what we do to-day, for day by day we must show progress.”

April 30, 2015 23 comments
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Personal

Drift Away

written by freudandfashion
Drift Away

{San Diego, CA}

My whole week was a bit of a blur.  I sometimes wish that I could take a vacation for a few months and have no responsibilities whatsoever.  Where would I go?  I have no idea.  What would I do?  No clue.  Come to think about it, having no responsibilities for an extended period of time might be depressing.  After all, my entire life has been devoted to my career, which is a huge part of my identity.  Without my work, I’d lose my sense of purpose especially since being a physician makes up a large percentage of who I am.  Perhaps that’s why retiring can be so hard (I have several retirees who present with depression).  With that in mind, I suppose the better alternative to an extended vacation would be to continue working, but at a comfortable pace with firm limits and boundaries in place.  It sounds so simple.  After all, I know my limits and the workload I can handle before getting overwhelmed…but it’s my job to reinforce it.  I guess reinforcing it is sometimes harder than the job itself.

March 28, 2015 6 comments
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Psychiatry

Teaching Influence

written by freudandfashion
Teaching Influence

{Malibu, CA}

Current thought: I’m glad I turned out to be a decent psychiatrist.

I remember being an eager medical student during an internal medicine rotation and asking a consulting psychiatrist the reason he diagnosed two of my elderly patients with schizophrenia.  I anxiously awaited his response (Note: I highlight the word elderly because diagnosing schizophrenia at such a late onset in life is rare) and he gave me the most nonchalant, dismissive response: “because they’re having hallucinations.”  He got up and walked away before I could ask him any more questions.  Well, Mr. Psychiatrist, if I knew what I know now, I would’ve told you back then that you were a horrible doctor because you did not even talk to my patient nor put any thought into your diagnosis, nor care that giving a frail 70-year old woman excessive doses of antipsychotic medication might actually make her worse (excessive doses of antipsychotics may increase risk of confusion, oversedation, and pneumonia in the elderly population).

The accumulation of my experiences working with various attending physicians (aka supervising physicians) have shaped the way that I practice psychiatry today.  One of the first lectures I attended during my psychiatry residency was about the emphasis of humanism in mental health, which was a concept that was markedly different than what I observed during internship (I had made the decision to switch to a different residency program after internship).  I remember feeling ashamed during the lecture because I recalled how I used to write orders for “B-52’s” (the nickname for a cocktail of medications given by injection for acute agitation; a chemical restraint) so frequently and unhesitatingly during internship.  Needless to say, that lecture set the tone and confirmed that I made the right decision to change training programs.  My whole perspective and approach to psychiatry changed by working with the most caring and compassionate psychiatrists, therapists, and nurses.  I obviously recall interacting with a few terrible psychiatrists, which actually turned out to be a useful learning experience: I learned how NOT to practice psychiatry.  So, if you are interested in pursuing a career in the mental health field, I hope that you train with amazing supervisors, remain open-minded (psychiatry is not so clear cut as reading the DSM 5, our diagnostic manual), maintain empathy, and remember that each individual/client/patient has a story.

The greatest compliment that I’ve received from several of my patients is also a sad reality about the spectrum of practitioners in my field: “You’re not like any psychiatrist I’ve met before.  You actually try to get to know me.”

 

 

March 25, 2015 36 comments
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