Finding Balance

{McDowell Sonoran Preserve, Scottsdale, AZ}

During my stay in Arizona, I was fortunate to reunite with friends from my residency training program and was especially excited to spend time with one of my closest friends from medical school.  One of the subjects we talked about most was the struggle to obtain or achieve work/life balance.  Balance and avoidance of burnout is essential for overall emotional and physical health.  Burnout has been shown to be more prevalent in medical students, residents, and early career physicians compared to the general U.S. population.

My life is much more balanced than it has ever been, and I believe the biggest barrier towards accomplishing this in the past was the perceived lack of time as an undergrad, medical student, and psychiatry resident.  I emphasize the word perceived because I truly believed that sacrificing my personal life for the sake of my future career was well worth the burnout.  Well, by choosing to become a physician, yes, an immense degree of sacrifice is required.  If I failed at any point in the process, would I have been upset?  Hell yes!  And I actually did almost fail because I put so much pressure on myself to do well that my anxiety sky-rocketed and impacted my test-taking abilities.  Therefore, my scores were in no way reflective of the amount of time I spent studying, which really sucked (no need for a more formal term for my emotion; “sucked” pretty much sums it up).  At that point, I broke down, cried, and told my parents that I wanted to quit medical school.  And it wasn’t until then that I realized they didn’t care which profession I chose — they just wanted me to be happy.  What a huge relief!  All this time I thought I’d dishonor my traditional Asian family if I didn’t become a physician.  Suddenly, at that moment, the weight and pressure to please my family lifted.  I felt liberated.  However, the remaining pressure I possessed was the pressure I placed on myself because I didn’t know of any other way to approach life while working towards my medical degree.

Looking back, if I had the opportunity to offer my past medical school self any advice, I’d tell her the following:

1. To sacrifice a few hours of studying a week in order to instead go out and do something enjoyable to enhance personal growth and interests.
2. To be less self-critical.  Little does she know that she’ll be just fine if she doesn’t graduate from the most prestigious, academic medical school or get accepted into the most renowned residency program.
3. Just try your best and don’t beat yourself up in the process.  After all, one of the top 5 things people regret most on their deathbed is “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.”  I definitely know that I’d never say I regret not working or studying more.  Simple activities, such as enjoying nature and going on hikes, are far more memorable in my mind compared to the insomnia I experienced trying to squeeze in last-minute studying for a histology exam.