Category:

Psychiatry

Delayed Journey

Sedona, AZ

Confusion about my career path, difficulties prioritizing, and a busy schedule are the only excuses I have for going eight whole months without writing a blog post. If you asked me one year ago to describe how I envisioned my life would be post-residency, I would have said “happy,” “free,” “liberated,” “fun.” However, a few months after buying my first house, getting my first paycheck, studying three straight months for the Psychiatry board exam, and passing the Psychiatry board exam, I thought to myself — “Is this it? Is this really what I spent 12 grueling years after high school working towards??” Survival was my primary goal throughout medical training, but once I gained confidence and knew I’d survive, I focused on sharpening my clinical skills. Then, finally, I prioritized my time towards getting a job (after all, who wants to spend > $200K on an education and not end up with your dream job?). Yet, throughout my education, there was never mention of the emotional toll that the transition from post-graduate school to real life could take. After graduation, I experienced some “happy” and “free” moments, but had an equal amount of depressing moments (if you’ve read past blog posts, you’ll know this usually involves immersing myself in reality tv and slacking off on workouts). At times, I wished I was back in the student role where you have a built-in support system of friends and supervisors to consult on a regular basis. I have a wonderful job, but am still waiting for some form of delayed gratification.

I eventually grew tired of sitting around and waiting, so I went on trips in hopes to gain clarity and direction on the next steps to take in life.

I stopped beating myself up about having a lazy exercise routine and joined a Crossfit gym.

Photos courtesy of CFA

Then, moved into my new home.

I’m not 100% certain of what’s next in my life journey, but I’m happy to say that I’m stronger than ever, finally moving forward, and excited to find out!

What types of things have you done to gain clarity when you’ve felt stuck?

September 5, 2013 18 comments

Psychiatry

Know Your Limit

written by freudandfashion

266

Came home from work late today…again.

I’m passionate about my job as a psychiatrist and spent about two hours with each patient that I was called to consult on the medical floor this weekend. Lunch and dinner were an afterthought. I felt the hunger pangs, but pushed on because the appreciation received from each patient for taking time to understand their situation made hypoglycemia worthwhile.

Today, I spent several hours on a complicated case. Coordination of care took place, notes thoroughly written, and necessary calls made. I left the clinic with a goal to leave work behind. However, the patient is still on my mind. Accepting that I can’t save a patient is one of the most difficult aspects of my job. No words of appreciation expected, no reassurance of their safety, no guarantee of tomorrow.

I can’t cure, I can’t heal, I can’t save, but it would be out of my character not to at least try.

December 4, 2012 30 comments

Psychiatry

Popular Party-Pooper

written by freudandfashion

{Port Hueneme Pier}

Introvert = energized by activities alone

Extrovert = energized by activities around people

Introvert tends to negatively associate with being a “loner” or “party pooper” and conversely, one may assume that an extrovert is “the life of the party.” Growing up in southern CA, I felt pressure to be an extrovert because who really wants to be viewed as a loner or party pooper? But then again, I was also quite young, naive, and superficial, with minimal sense of self-identity, at the time. Pretty standard for a growing teen.

I completed a Myers-Briggs personality test during residency and scores revealed that I was an extrovert. My past young adult self would’ve jumped for joy at the thought of having proof and objective data verifying that I am indeed an extrovert, and therefore NOT lame. But rather, my older, more mature self viewed the scale as demonstrating patterns observed over the last few years, which is that after a bad, exhausting day, I enjoy doing activities with others (such as dinner with a group of friends) to feel more like myself again.

I’ve had patients, especially college students, treated with meds for social phobia, but upon further questioning discovered that they were urged by family members or friends to seek help. Their desire to do solo activities were perceived as “abnormal” by those around them. I educate them about the misconceptions of being an introvert versus extrovert in hopes that they’ll feel less guilty about wanting to stay in for a quiet night at home rather than get wasted at the frat party down the street. Several introverts are also socially outgoing, but may prefer “down time” to relax rather than impressing partygoers with their best keg stand. Great introverted talents and leaders (Steven Spielberg, Julia Roberts, Warren Buffett, JK Rowling, to name a few) excel in different ways than extroverts, such as listening, problem-solving, thinking things through, and leading proactive group members.

Thought of the Day: Which type of activities energize you after an exchausting day?

November 28, 2012 27 comments

Psychiatry therapy

New Beginnings

written by freudandfashion

Taking in the scenery from my balcony on my last day in Oregon

I’m currently sitting on my couch wearing gym attire contemplating whether or not to head to the gym. Five minutes into a repeat episode of “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills,” I convince myself of an alternate plan to work out at 5am tomorrow before going to clinic (I confess that this is the 10th time I’ve created this plan, but have executed it only once).

My lackadaisical behavior doesn’t surprise me. Previous blogposts exhibit this behavior (here/) and I attribute the laziness to a recent move. My childhood memories relate the experience to the song “Kindergarten Wall:”

“And remember the seed in the little paper cup:

First the root grows down and then the plant grows up!”

I was uprooted when I moved to Oregon, then eventually established my community and made it my home. Moving is a huge transition. One may need to adjust to a new work environment or find a new job, meet new people, discover the least traffic congested roads, join a new gym, etc. I have several patients who present with depression related to a recent move. Though each case is unique, I don’t automatically treat the depression by adding a new medication because mood may improve over time. I empathize with their struggles and generally offer support through the adjustment phase.

It took me about six months to feel comfortable living in Oregon, though i criticized myself each time I felt sad, homesick, and overwhelmed with change. Now that I’m back in so-cal, it’s taking a bit longer than expected to create a daily routine, but I’m familiar with my pattern of establishing roots in a new area of residence (the exercise routine will get there…eventually).

November 21, 2012 4 comments

Psychiatry

A Life of Distractions

written by freudandfashion

{sunny skies in Los Angeles}

Life gets hectic. Projects fall to the wayside, self-care less prioritized, hobbies take a backseat, laundry piles up, house chaotically clutters — a reflection of our minds overly-stressed from numerous tasks and obligations. Neglecting my blog for the last 2.5 months was an unfortunate bi-product of accomodating my piling “to-do” list these past few months (in addition to less workouts and a messy apartment).

Awareness is key, followed by figuring out how to shift/balance your priorities (a tough task, though it’s possible). Hence, my waking up a half an hour earlier today to write a blogpost in order to reclaim my passion towards writing.

Which important activities (or people) do you pay less attention to during your most stressful, overwhelming moments?

{one of my fave places to think – the fountain at Beverly Canon Gardens}

November 8, 2011 1 comment

Psychiatry therapy

Laziness

written by freudandfashion

{Smathers Beach at Key West}

Staring at my “to-do” list makes me angry. Only two out of twelve items have been checked off over the course of two weeks. Even as I sit at my usual coffee shop, I’d rather listen to music and daydream of being a karaoke superstar (oddly, I had similar daydreams as a child) or taking a tropical beach vacation instead of doing work. Perhaps I’m tired…or miss my friends and family…or am so overwhelmed by work that I’m procrastinating until the very last minute before I get in trouble (something I used to do in grade school)…or a combination of everything plus life, in general.

Yesterday morning, I released some aggression at kickboxing class, and on my way out, I couldn’t help but smile. At the nearby park, a group of adorable kids were seated around a campfire, laughing and telling jokes. And at that moment, I realized — Sometimes life gets so stressful that we can’t help but revert to our childhood ways of coping, that is, until reality sets in. I’m a physician (not a karaoke dynamo) and I can no longer rely on teachers punishing me for late work submissions.

If only life could be as simple as a campfire during summer break.

August 21, 2011 2 comments

Food Psychiatry

Birthday Wish

written by freudandfashion

I’m feeling overwhelmed after a nonstop day at work. To brighten my mood, I looked at photos of my recent birthday celebration and read my blogpost from last year (here). In contrast to last year, I feel more comfortable being myself (well, I’m still in the process of discovery, which is life-long, but at least I’m less embarrassed to admit my weaknesses, demonstrate pride in my strengths, and bring out my valley-girl twang at work). In addition, I wasn’t carded…not even once, even though I still look like the same, questionably-legal-to-drink young girl. Perhaps I exude more confidence? Well, I know for sure that I’ve matured, for when my patients call me “sweetie,” “young lady,” and “hun,” I no longer take offense nor do I view myself as inexperienced and incompetent as I felt last year. Now that I’m no longering pondering ways to look older, I plan to focus more on improving my stress management skills (to reduce development of wrinkles).

{Birthday at Nobu West Hollywood}

I know my last post was awhile ago, but I’m back from travels and life-changing experiences, which I plan to share in future posts!

June 10, 2011 2 comments

Psychiatry therapy

Letting Go

written by freudandfashion

When a stable patient suddenly feels depressed and can’t pinpoint a stressor, I sometimes ask if a loved one passed away around that time of year. After pausing for moments to think, oftentimes the answer is “yes.”

I had a rough week that I initially attributed to having a heavy workload, but realized that the theme I struggled with the most was death and grief. I felt sad to hear news that one of my patients died and grew frustrated each time I heard the word “suicidal.” I’m normally diligent and confident in managing my patients, but my emotions overwhelmed me.

Nine years ago, my grandfather passed away. I regularly blame myself for not attending his funeral in the Philippines because right before he died, he asked that I stay home, focus on my studies, and make him proud by becoming a doctor. I live with regret, but recognize that I’ll keep struggling around this time of year until I learn to forgive myself and accept that my grandfather is gone.

February 12, 2011 2 comments

Food Psychiatry Travel

Organizing Thoughts

written by freudandfashion

After returning from a child psychiatry conference in LA, I had a busy week adjusting to a new work schedule and became overwhelmingly anxious trying to multitask solving patients’ problems and my growing list of “things to do.” Last night I realized that if I had a patient with a similar situation, I’d tell them to write an actual list of “things to do” (I tend to to be lazy to write lists and instead take “mental notes” which clearly didn’t work for me last week) and rank them in terms of priority. I wrote a list this morning and already checked off two items (change my tires, drop off dry cleaning) and up next includes laundry and cleaning my messy apartment. Lists should also include relaxing, rewarding activities as well (balance is key!), so after cleaning I’m off to a pedicure party and dinner with girlfriends. I’m looking forward to tackling the upcoming work week already.

Here are some pics from my most recent trip to LA:

{Liquid Nitrogen Caipirinha at The Bazaar}

{liquid olives–I”ll never think of an olive the same way again}

{an amazing $8 cup of tea}

{dessert display at the SLS Beverly Hills}

{Rodeo Drive at night}

February 6, 2011 0 comment

Psychiatry

1.5 Years

written by freudandfashion

2010 proved to be a remarkable year for me. I’ve transformed from a former struggling medical student (constantly questioning my career choice with each brutal beating from complicated exams, all-nighters, and Attendings pimping me to the point of ridicule) into a now PGY-3 (Postgraduate year) making medical decisions on my own and witnessing the positive impact I can have on patients’ lives. And, after 1.5 years of living here, I can admit that Oregon is truly growing on me (which I never thought I’d say, but who wouldn’t appreciate smog-free skies, environmental-friendliness, genuinely friendly people, traffic-free roads, abundant green landscapes, etc). I’m thankful for the lessons learned in 2010 and can’t wait for the experiences to come in 2011. One and a half years of residency left to go!

December 30, 2010 4 comments

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